"My Best Try"

The following is a real text message:

I said I needed a few days, I only needed a few hours I suppose.
Maybe it's because of all this time I've had in the past to think about us, maybe it's just the situation. All in all, I couldn't find it in my heart to be mean or accusatory on the phone and that's for the better, I never want to be that type of person. I am, however, honest and I will be bold as I've had well over a year to contemplate how much I care about you. You have absolutely no idea what you want and you hurt a very important person in the process. No matter what the future holds, that can't be forgotten and trust me, I know the results of selfish actions. I can't ever beg for you back because I know I never had you. I could tell you to remember the good times we had or the things you like about me, but you already know you've lost those things and I guess you can live with that. I know you could care less right now but you will realize how unbelievably selfless I was to you. I gave you everything I had and it wasn't good enough... if you understood or felt the same way, you would be able to deal with a relationship. You tell me you don't want one simply because you're confused on who you want, not what you want. "One day you'll have a dream about me and you won't remember WHY" You found someone who was willing to do anything for you and you turned it down without even giving me a chance. I wish you luck, I really do, but I can't keep waiting for you to realize that it was right in front of you. All I wanted was for us to be happy but I know I will be in the future and I can live with that. "One day I'll have a dream about you and I'll smile" Last night the text I sent in my dream was "goodbye" I can't deny that was a hell of a coincidence. I love you, but I have to say goodbye to this "You're welcome"

Straight Off The Heart

Does love at first sight exist?

At birth, we seem to experience it. The very first bond between you and someone else begins. This is done without words or body language but simply because your mother is proud of her creation and covets you, much like a prize won at a carnival. Sure, the love for you by your mother is stronger than that of her first teddy bear, but in essence, she only loves you, you have not yet realized love and will likely not for quite some time. This goes unsaid until roughly your 4^th year wherein your mother tells you she loves you and first respond.

“I love you.”
“I love you too.”

Is this first response not obligation?

You respond because it is the right thing to do. When mother says it to father, he responds. You know, even at a young age, that this word “love” is a reaching verb. It is something people say in an effort to seek the affection of another and know that they are there with you on the journey of life. How do you know you love someone until you’ve have had the experience of another attempting to do the same? How can you love your mother before another loves you but does not meet your standards or cannot help you to fullest? The truth is, it takes time to love someone. It takes trial and more importantly error, before you can truly say you love someone and not only mean it as a response to please them. You cannot mean the words “I love you” to your mother or spouse until you experience another, whether it be a father, a teacher, a friend, or another lover attempt to influence and help you grow for the better but lag behind in comparison with the other. With that experience you can evaluate who does what better and love them for it. In romantic love this is just the same. A competition for love. We embed ourselves into someone’s life, promising to help them and have their back at all turns and events. We assist them and make them love us, just as our mother does for being the best thing she’s ever done. We work with them and help them grow until they fall in love with us. This love can go unsaid, leaving us to be the first to say I love you, when in fact, we are only feeling obligated to say it as we have not yet received back that care and assistance that had been so selflessly given. The response is the most important, however.

“I’m in love with you.”
“I’m in love with you too.”

That is beginning of us truly loving them, as they have taken the first step in helping us be the best thing we've ever helped create and assist. We love them for what we’ve accomplished and created, enforcing our self-esteem and boosting our confidence. You are proud of your creation, and covet it, just as your mother covets you.

After all the work you’ve put into helping someone, when they finally declare their love for you, you feel complete. Almost too complete, as many romantic novels have created the fictional emotion of emptiness after receiving what you’ve been striving for since the beginning. This emptiness is not real, and is in fact the opposite. It is the feeling of wholeness, but a feeling we are not familiar with so instead we are misguided into calling it the contrary. You have finally accomplished what you wanted all along, and now you love them too. Again, the world has misconstrued this feeling as well, labeling it “infatuation” or “obsession” when in fact it is only your love of someone else growing above and beyond theirs. But its okay, you can wait. You can hold off and follow them in their feelings instead of letting yours burst forward. You can do that…right?